I won't give up
by EverythingIsDifferent
Summary: A Peeta POV One Shot. Takes place in Catching Fire on the roof of the Training Centre, the day of the interviews for the 75th Hunger Games. Song Inspiration: I Won't Give Up- Jason Mraz.


******HELLO. Hey guys, so this is my first fanfiction, and I hope you guys enjoy it. I'd really appreciate it if you read it, reviewed it, gave me some feedback, commented or anything really. It would mean a lot. :) Thanks so much, and I hope you like it. I'll be uploading more soon.**

Sitting on the roof, her lying in my arms; I am so at peace. We've never been like this before. It's never felt like this. It has never felt so perfect… so right. I can't help myself. I play with her long, silky hair as she curls up in my lap.

It's comfortable.

She's not shying away from me, she's not hiding, and she's not afraid nor is she angry. It's almost like a miracle, a sweet miracle. And for a moment I am ready to burst with happiness.

"Katniss…" I start.

"Yes." Her curled form replies.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever."

I mean every word.

Katniss pauses for a moment, and I can tell she's not sure what to say. Normally when I say these things she doesn't like to reply. She doesn't understand my affections, nor does she encourage them. But I can't help but say what I feel sometimes. She knows that.

I think.

"Okay." She replies.

"Then you'll allow it?" I tease, the smile breaking my cheeks.

"I'll allow it." She says.

A smile spreads further throughout my cheeks, and I continue to play with her hair as she drifts slowly off to sleep in my lap.

For a girl who's faced so many challenges in her life, when Katniss sleeps, she looks so peaceful. The hard face of my fellow tribute is gone, and as she falls deeper and deeper into sleep, I am astounded at how vulnerable, even innocent, she looks. She looks as though she's never faced anything terrifying. Never starved. Never been near death. Never feared for her life, nor fought to save both her skin and mine.

She doesn't look like she could kill a thing.

And I think that's why I love her.

She's so much more than any other girl could ever be. Katniss truly is on fire. She has this burning passion, this burning love for her sister, and for her family that is so powerful. I only hope that one day she could feel that for me.

I close my eyes for a moment and daydream. I find myself staring right into Katniss' eyes. Her cold, grey seam eyes, as they would be referred to by most of district 12. I disagree. They're more of bright silver, and they gleam in the sunlight. When the sun hits them, they light up her whole face. The eyes are no longer a cold, stormy, grey, but a bright, shining silver. A colour than inspires fear, but also is strikingly beautiful, much like Katniss herself.

She stirs, and I find that in the midst of my daydreams, my hand had moved down from her temple to her back, making small circular strokes. She's practically purring.

The smile takes over my whole face as I remind myself to hold onto this moment forever. Katniss lying in my lap, held tight in my arms. Katniss, all mine.

And it is at this moment that I realize just how desperately I need to keep her alive.

One could say that we've faced more troubles than your average teenage couple. Technically we're not even a couple; Katniss would kill me if she heard me say that. But for all intents and purposes, that's what we are. At least, that's what the Capitol has made us.

But really, couple or not, we have faced more danger than your average pair of 17 year olds. We've been engaged in a fight to the death, and we both survived against all odds. And now, we're being forced back into the same situation once more; and you can be sure that the Capitol will not allow for both of us to win again. We're fighting against an authoritarian government, one who is threatening us with not only our lives, but also the lives of everyone around us. We've had to plan out our staged proposal and fake a pregnancy in order to help save lives.

That last part stings.

The word _fake_ breaks through my lofty daydreaming as I am struck for a moment by how false this entire façade is. That's all this is: a façade.

It hurt the most when Katniss suggested the public marriage proposal. I mean, yes, it's something I have always dreamed of. Proposing to Katniss Everdeen, making her mine. Having her think of marrying me… that idea hadn't even crossed my loftiest dreams. But to know that the reason she'd say yes would be to hopefully convince an evil President that she truly does love me, in order to prevent an uprising in the Districts of Panem... no, that's not exactly what I was going for. I remember her first proposing the idea, and having the tears sting at the back of my eyes. I had to leave the room.

Looking back at it now, I feel awful. It was a good idea- granted, it didn't work- but it was certainly a smart idea on Katniss' part. I'll agree with that. But still. I didn't want it. Not like that.

The single tear rolling down my cheek brings me back to this moment, this glorious moment. This moment when Katniss and I, we really feel like a _we, _an _us._ And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. No. This is my perfect moment, and this is exactly what I've always dreamed of. So I wipe the tear out of my eyes.

I have achieved my dreams. But I know this is not what Katniss wants. Katniss wants to die at home, with Prim and her mother, after shooting a couple of squirrels with – though it hurts me to know it- Gale. Katniss has so much loftier dreams than mine, and I have to help her get to them.

It is weird though. Even though Gale is constantly in the back of my mind –as I'm sure he is in Katniss' thoughts constantly as well - I refuse to give up. I'm a hopeless romantic. I won't give up on Katniss and I. We have come so far to be alive, and we did it together. That has to count for something right?

I make a silent promise to never give up on Katniss. Or even, to never give up on Katniss and I. I will give her all of my love for as long as I can, and I will make sure she knows that I love her as I die. That's all I can do.

I think back to the times when I've had to separate from her. When we came back from the first games. I made her uncomfortable, and she saw me as a poor, heartbroken victim. We didn't speak for months, but as soon as the cameras came around, we were forced together once again. I tried to be mad, I really did; but I couldn't. I realized after a while that I would sit patiently waiting for Katniss to come to me everyday for the rest of my life if I had to. And although I'm still young, and I know there's so much to live for and to learn; I'd give all that up for Katniss. But I won't give up on Katniss and her dreams. I can't. I'm here to stand beside her, and whatever difference I can make, I will. If it means taking out her biggest competition in the Games and killing myself so she can win, I am more than willing to do it. I will do whatever I can. There's so much at stake that I can't afford to do any less.

And I know one thing for sure. I didn't lose myself in the first games. I haven't died yet, but even now, if I'm going to die, I will die as myself. I will show the Capitol that they don't own me. I will be more than just a piece in their games. I will give the Capitol what's coming, and I will die as myself. I will die, as Peeta Mellark; half of the star-crossed lovers of District 12, and I will save the life of Katniss Everdeen, future victor of the 75th Quarter Quell.

And I am not afraid.

I've already pledged my life to save hers once, and in so doing I risked losing everything I was in order to save everything she is and could ever be. Now, this is my time to do it again.

But sitting here, brushing through her hair with my fingers, seeing her chest rise and fall with her soft breath… I am so overcome with a desire to just stay here, forever.

But I need to keep this girl alive. I need to keep the girl on fire alive.

I need to keep the flames burning.

I'm brought back to the conversation I had with Haymitch the other day. He pulled me aside brusquely into a tiny side room, and slammed the door beside us. I tripped over the rug and found myself lying flat on my ass in the middle of the room.

"Sorry about that." Haymitch sighed, slightly slurring.

So the Quarter Quell had taken a toll on him too.

"S'okay." I jumped up. "What do you want Haymitch?"

I crossed my fingers for something good. Perhaps something better than his original piece of advice: _Stay Alive_. Yeah, that hadn't worked then, and it wouldn't now.

"Peeta…" He started, glancing around nervously. "I know you know about the uprisings. But there's more you must understand. You know about the Mockingjay symbol right?"

I nod. Who doesn't know about Katniss' infamous bird pin that has become to symbol for all of Panem's freedom. The golden pin with bird bravely holding an arrow, that got Katniss through the first games alive. The pin that has now become not only the Capitol's latest fashion trend, but also the symbol for the rebellion within the districts, possible the most powerful image in Panem.

"Well, Peeta. I know you'll agree with me on this. Katniss needs to live. If she dies in that arena, then the rebellion dies with her and Snow will have proved his point…" He hisses into my ears. "I know last time I was reluctant to go along with your little plans" the alcohol on his breath makes me sick. "But I'm on your side now, okay?" he gives me a half-hearted smile. "And trust me, I'm doing more than you know."

Haymitch's glazed eyes stay on mine until he stumbles out of the room and shuts the door behind him. I hadn't seen Haymitch that drunk since before I threw all his alcohol down the sink in his house in Victor's Village. Something must have tipped him over the edge.

I don't have time to wonder what, as I am thrown back into my reality once more.

Katniss rolled over, curling up further onto my chest.

It would be too easy now to just lean over, tip her chin and kiss her. But I know too well now, my kisses don't communicate my feelings to her, as I want them to.

Back in the first arena, I thought my kisses were telling her all I felt, expressing my true desire to be with her, proving just how strong my love was. Turns out she thought I was just a really great actor.

In a way, a compliment, sure, but not quite what I was going for.

There was one moment though, in the cave. Where she kissed me first. And it was almost as if I could taste the truth on her lips. It wasn't until we got out that I understood the difference between a real Katniss kiss and one meant to please an audience. And I swear, for a moment in that cave, for that one kiss; it felt real.

It was all real for me.

But I refrain from tilting her chin up now. She's asleep, that could potentially be creepy. To me, it would be romantic. To Katniss, it would be regarded as far too much. That's another thing I love about her… how incredibly different she is from me. I express myself with my words and pride myself on how free I am with my affections. Katniss is too strong to be free with her love…. So far.

I wonder if one day I'll be able to change that.

_Peeta. You're going to die in this arena. Stop talking like that._

I shake my head violently to bring myself back into the moment and stare down at Katniss' who I've unfortunately woken. _Stupid Peeta, STUPID._ I desperately search for a cover.

"Thought you might want to see the sunset." I say, noting the bright orange colour spreading across the sky. The soft burnt colour that I love so much. "I didn't think you'd want to miss it."

"Thanks" she says, rousing from my lap and raising her head to watch the sun descend down.

I see the bright orange reflected in her cool eyes, and in that moment, I know exactly what's going to happen.

I will do everything I can to feed the flame.

I will keep the girl on fire burning; if it costs me my life.

Which it probably will.


End file.
